Ammachy

Today is the nine year anniversary of my grandmother's - Sister Ammu George - passing.

I called her Ammachy.

She was my second mother.

The one who raised me to be the spiritual woman I am today.

Words can't express the bond/connection we shared.

There are just too many stories to tell.

Maybe one day, I'll write a book about what an incredible woman she was.

But for now, I just want to acknowledge her.

I miss her.

It's an ache that I never thought I'd feel for someone.

I found this birthday card that I had given her, just a few days ago while I was rummaging through some things.

It's dated 3-5-01.

Exactly one month before she was diagnosed with terminal cancer.

And exactly six months before she passed away.

I miss you Ammachy.

And love you more than ever.

Birthdays: Past & Present

The Past

The Present*

*[Amazingly delicious] vegan cherry cheesecake from The Loving Cafe

Thirty Years in the Making: A Birthday Reflection

Thirty years ago, today...I was born in silence.

Which is pretty ironic, because outside the room I was born in, it sounded like a freight train.

When I came into the world, I wasn't crying, I was barely breathing...nada, zip, zilch.

Everyone thought I was dead.

****

People are always asking me, "So where are you from?" And when I go into my lil schpeel of, "I-was-born-in-the-Caribbean-but-am-originally-of-Indian-decent," I always get the proverbial, "Come again?" or "Say whaaaa??!!"

So today, as I reflect on my thirty years of life here on this earth, I thought I'd share my beginning...

The year was 1979 and it was the 18th day of September. The location was St. John's, Antigua.


During this time, rearing it's ugly head and [literally] making waves in the Atlantic Ocean and Caribbean Sea, was a behemoth of a hurricane...Hurricane David. (This is probably why, "I love stormy weather the best and more than most," and probably why my Dad has called me, "His little hurricane.")

A Category 5 hurricane, David left its mark on history as being among the deadliest hurricanes in the latter half of the 20th century, killing 2,068 people in its path. (Learn more about David here.)


While David howled and growled outside (and the torrential rains fell and the skies darkened and the winds howled), in the only hospital on the island - Holberton Hospital, a 27 year-old woman who had been struggling for hours in labor, finally gave up her efforts in pushing her child out, while her husband did everything in his medical power to make sure his wife's delivery and the birth of his first born was a safe and healthy one, and all the while, in the background, a mother-in-law frantically paced the delivery room, praying.

The chief OBGYN, Dr. Ghosh, turned to my father and said, "Hold on the C-section...let's try the forceps."

A few minutes later...I entered the world, as Mridula Mareen Chandy Jacob. (As a show of gratitude for Dr. Ghosh's help in the delivery, they decided to name me after his wife, Mridula.)

I was born not technically dead...but I wasn't technically fully alive.

And as the delivery room erupted into further chaos as staff tended to me and my father and Dr. Ghosh tended to my mother, and my grandmother circled in panic, Hurricane David reminded everyone that he was the real star of the day...as the lights dimmed and the roof started to curl up and expose David's deafening screech and wetness outside.

With my mother's condition stabilized and my breathing somewhat stabilized, the decision was made to move me to a more secure part of the hospital and to an incubator, which hopefully would bring my vitals back to normal. While my father stayed back with my mom, my grandma ran after the nurse who was carrying me.

According to my grandmother, the nurse hastily put me in the incubator and then ran back to the delivery room to check on my mom. My grandmother said that as she leaned over to look at me in the incubator, she noticed that something was still wrong. I still didn't seem right. My breathing wasn't getting better, in fact, it looked like I was destabilizing again.

As she tried tried to find anyone to give me some medical attention - everyone seemed to have vanished because of David's imminent threat - she noticed something...the incubator was not plugged into the outlet.

If my grandmother hadn't ran after that nurse, I may or may have not been here today, writing this post 30 years later.


From that day on, I've always had a special bond/connection with my grandmother (which I will talk about in more detail in a future post.)

I gotta admit, I'm going through a wave of emotions today: nostalgia, happiness, numbness, disbelief, gratitude, etc., all leaving me very unsure of how I feel about leaving my twenties behind and entering this new era of my life.

One thing I know for sure though is this...

That my getting here was rife with obstacles but despite it all, I am here. And I strongly believe for a particular...divine...purpose.

What that particular purpose is, I am still trying to figure out thirty years later.

But that's okay.

Because I know that God is in control of my life.

And my promise to myself...and God...is to continue what I've been doing for the past 30 years...and the agenda for the 30 ahead...figuring out that particular, divine purpose...and fulfilling it.

This verse came to me this birthday morning:

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations."

Jeremiah 1:5 (New International Version)

And even though I some[often]times feel like my thirty years don't really have that much to show for, I know that's okay.

Because like Brandon Heath sings, God isn't finished with me...yet.

And I'm okay with that too.

He's up to something...

I just have to wait and see.

Happy Anniversary

Thirty one years ago, today, Chandy (Shashi) Jacob (of the Anglican faith) and Elizabeth (Thangam) George (of the Pentecostal faith) stood before each other and dedicated their lives to each other...and God (in an Anglican church) at 11 a.m., in Kerala, India.


It goes without saying, that these past 31 years of marriage have been a miracle divinely predestined and blessed by God.

Happy 31 Dad and Mom.

Here's to 31 more...

God willing.



18 The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

19 Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name.

20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field. But for Adam no suitable helper was found.

21 So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh.

22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

23 The man said, "This is now bone of my bones 
and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman, ' for she was taken out of man."

24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

Genesis 2:18-24 (New International Version)

9 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:

10 If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls 
and has no one to help him up!

11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?

12 Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (New International Version)

A Simple Prayer

Dear Jesus,

I have one simple prayer.

Please help me...

Please help me to NOT be ...

...rageful
...angry
...quick-tempered
...hateful
...misleading
...lustful
...perverse
...conditional
...evil
...judgmental
...critical
....emotional
...paranoid
...ungrateful
...jealous
...envious
...covetous
...gluttonous
...slothful
...lazy
...insecure
...shallow
...unclean
...pessimistic
...apathetic
...unmotivated
...listless
...numb
...distracted
...revengeful
...forgetful
...foolish
...hasty
...harsh
...mean spirited
...hopeless
...lost
...confused
...longing
...unforgiving
...depressing
...bitter
...unfriendly
...sensitive
...careless
...wasteful
...unsatisfied
...anxious
...worried
...stressed
...fatigued
...unlikable
...confrontational
...despised
...prideful
...easily affected
...impatient
...unstable
...disrespectful
...stubborn
...combative
...narcissistic
...immature


...and most of all, please help me to NOT be a disappointment to you.

All this I ask in your name,

Amen.